dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
