How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
