i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
