fuck your aforementioned shoe
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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