Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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