I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
