these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
