If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
