How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
