so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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