I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
