Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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