god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize