im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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