Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
