Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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