separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
