fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
handjob tips. give me some.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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