i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
