I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The power of my boobs compel you
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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