When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize