It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
