Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
