you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize