If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I need to stop coming to work sober
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
