garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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