i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
