So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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