Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
