I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
