11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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