No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
