I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize