I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
