Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize