Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
