I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
