I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I need to stop coming to work sober
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
