omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize