Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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