Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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