dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
