Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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