I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
