Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
