The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
