I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
