No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
NoShamevember. You game?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize