The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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