my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
