All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
