So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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