im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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