So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just cropdusted the office
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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