barbara walters just said penis...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just pee around me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
