there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
