How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
