I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
