i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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