Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
