When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
