I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
