so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
