i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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