I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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