I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
