smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
