If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
