i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
