You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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