Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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