when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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