I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
