My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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