If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
