Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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