We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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