I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
sarcasm needs its own font
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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