my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
