I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
