In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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