just tell him i said nine months
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
