i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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