My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
