My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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