remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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