I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
