I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
