I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
