I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
