It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize