i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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