You're so nebulous sometimes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
