what day is it and did you see me today?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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