I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
