I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
