Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
