that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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