I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
