You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
