I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
