I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
