Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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